It seemed best to start with cows. They tend to be less temperamental and frankly, I reckon they get bored. 
Logically I needed to find the leader. After sitting watching for quite a while, I observed that the herd splits into several groups, each one has it's own head cow. If I could find the 'master' cow, then I could control all of the herds collectively.This mainly black one looked a likely candidate, the larger group were following his every move.
Standing firm, I stared him keenly in the eye. Once I had properly got his attention, I lifted my right arm and advanced. Yes, they started to move.....
.....then, swapping arms I guided them back the other way. I'd demonstrated to the herd my dominance over the master cow and all I had to do was to turn away, be more placid, wait for them to follow me and accept me as their leader....nothing! They all pissed off doing their own thing (pissing being one of them). He wasn't the leader after all, he was popular, but not a master cow.
A little more sitting and watching was required. Twenty minutes later it was apparent that this unlikely looking guy was in fact the leader (it's always the quiet ones)!
Standing firm, I stared him keenly in the eye. Once I had properly got his attention, I lifted my right arm and advanced. Yes, they started to move.....
.....then, swapping arms I guided them back the other way. I'd demonstrated to the herd my dominance over the master cow and all I had to do was to turn away, be more placid, wait for them to follow me and accept me as their leader....nothing! They all pissed off doing their own thing (pissing being one of them). He wasn't the leader after all, he was popular, but not a master cow.
A little more sitting and watching was required. Twenty minutes later it was apparent that this unlikely looking guy was in fact the leader (it's always the quiet ones)!Some more eye staring, gentle manoeuvring the herd around, soon taught them that I was the guy they should follow. Then, the acid test......I turned my back and waited.....
....success! When I tentatively looked behind, they were all waiting. The former leader was now following me. I was....'THE MASTER COW!' (Yes, I shall be putting it on my CV. Why not?!)
We were all friends.
Why farmers do all that herding about when you can simply make friends and they will follow you where ever you want.
"Yes, we're friends, you don't have to lick me anymore, I've got the message!"
Does anyone know how to de-whisper cows, because they won't leave me alone. "Stop licking me!...Don't lick me there!"
....success! When I tentatively looked behind, they were all waiting. The former leader was now following me. I was....'THE MASTER COW!' (Yes, I shall be putting it on my CV. Why not?!)
We were all friends.
Why farmers do all that herding about when you can simply make friends and they will follow you where ever you want.
"Yes, we're friends, you don't have to lick me anymore, I've got the message!"
Does anyone know how to de-whisper cows, because they won't leave me alone. "Stop licking me!...Don't lick me there!"There is a field full of donkeys not far from here, which I will have a go with, but before that I'm going to practice on some lower order of life form.......teenagers. I've already got my target group. A gang numbering approx 15 or so. I've identified the leader (master yobbling), all I have to do is first stare him in the eye, second, chase him around until he accepts me as his leader, then wait for the gang to follow me...simple. Now, where DID I put that machete?
