'Men in Black' gone bad...

I'm SO pissed off! I was up late Wednesday night (2am) and I made moves to go to bed. The recyling box needed putting out for the morning collection, but when I got to the back door I could hear the nieghbours cat meowing. Nothing too unusual I thought, but this sounded especially vocal. When I opened the door it bolted in, there was something up! Looking out into the darkness I could see the shadow of a figure cast up the drive. I knew that if I went out the back the security light would be triggered and he would run off, so, quickly made my way to a front window. There on the front lawn dressed top to toe in black stood another figure! He saw me and jumped down to the pavement where he was joined by his accomplice, they made their getaway holding something oblong and silver. Pausing only to find shoes and pick up my camera bag, I shot out after them. Nowhere to be seen, a brief search and I returned home. This is when I saw what they had done to my neighbours car! They had 'jimmied' the lock, got the windows down without setting the alarm off and climbed in. They had broken into the boot via the back seats (breaking another lock), ripped out a subwoofer, amp, custom MP3 and levered the stereo from the dash. The stash was piled up in front of the car, and the spare wheel tools had been taken. I called the police, who were promt but failed to find anyone. After nearly an hour of taking statements they left. My nieghbour and I decided to see if we could locate any dropped contraband, and set off up the road....

A short distance away is a dirt track, completly unlit, a perfect place for hiding stuff we thought. We had walked up 10 metres or so when there was the skriek of a car alarm coming from the main road. I sprinted back, turned left and was confronted by a figure in black! "What do you want?" he asked angrily. I have always worried about getting stabbed in these situations, I looked down. A cross brace in one hand, a silver oblong jack in the other, no knife and at least his hands were full. He tried to sidestep me, it's now or never I thought. I grabbed his shoulder as he made a bolt for it and we ended up in the middle of the road! Determined not to let him go I swung him around so as to take him off his feet. I got him to the floor but he struggled out of his jacket and made his escape! Taking chase I was annoyed when the jacket wrapped itself around my feet and delayed me as I kicked myself free. Running up the dark track and beginning to gain, I realised that I was on my own. My neighbour had come out in his slippers (not good for running!), "I hope he's phoning the police" I thought! On the lit road at the end of the track I could see a car waiting, the engine started, and it moved forward. "Crap, now I'm in trouble" I thought, a million escape routes rushed through my head, but the adrenalin got the better of me and I carried on chasing. The driver of the car saw me and went to drive off, (trust among thieves... I don't think so!) but the guy had managed to pull the door open and get part way in. In one last effort of desperation, I threw a punch but it was at the limit of my reach. I caught him at the back of his head and ear but, I as I swung round managed to hit the edge of the car door as well..OWWWW! The car raced off, the driver with his head down, and the two passengers glaring back at me. Sat on the pavement I scrawled the reg number on the ground so that I wouldn't forget...

More statements to the police, (didn't get to bed to 6am!). They had a go at several cars, wheel nuts loosened off ready etc. The silver corsa they escaped in turned out to be a hire car taken out with false ID. 'SOCO' the scenes of crime guys came the following morning and got some good prints. They seemed particularly pleased with the jacket (which turned out to have his mobile phone in the pocket) because they reckoned they'd get DNA off it easily. So, the security camera is going back up.....

And "Mr Stick" is sleeping in my room from now on!

An average Weekend....

Minding my own business cleaning my car to the rear of the house; I hear a police siren, then another. All is quiet (well as quiet as it gets on this main road) for about 5 mins then I hear all this screaming and shouting as twenty odd kids come swarming down the road. Just a "chavs" day out I thought, until another police siren came into earshot. A startled hermit crab would withdraw into it's shell, chavs also hide in their shell(suits). Hoods up or caps pulled down they scattered, running breathless (from smoking from the age of five) in every direction. A group of "yobblings" bolted up my drive, and, as I debated whether to get "Mr. Sick" they turned about and made another desperate dash for cover. The Police managed to intercept some of the larger chavs, but the smaller unarrestable ones were left and not pursued because it may have demoralised them and stunted their social developement!!!!

"Mr. Stick" is 3 feet, 6 inches and made of good well seasoned pine. "Mr. Stick" helps me explain things to people not "willing" to learn.
Saturday night and I've settled down for the evening. The phone rings, and it is my sister. "I've crashed the car" she explains. "But I'm alright" she continues, "can you come and help?". Well I think what I might need to take. My head torch (because it's on a pitch black road), a few tools (the wing might need pulling away from the wheel), a tow rope (I bet she skidded into a ditch). As I pulled out of a lane onto the dark road I drove slowly so I could easily spot her. No nothing, but, as I reached the brow of the hill I could see a haze of multi coloured lights!...Two fire engines, an ambulance, four police cars and a good scattering of flourescent jacketed people waving torches to direct traffic!

The car was a mess. Forlornly lying on its roof like a turned tortoise, its little wheels helpless in the air. The once shiny panels now spattered with freshly ploughed up turf.

The road was wet and greasy, an oncoming car had failed to dip its lights. Blinded she had pulled away from the kerb on the left, but too sharply, and getting the car into a pendulumn slide eventually lost control.

The back wheels hit the kerb first, shortly followed by the front. With car sliding sideways, the back end dragging in the hedge the wheels began to dig into the soft verge, and over it went!

It slid further on its roof, wiping out the overgrown gorse at the side of the road. A gentle slope guided it back to road where it came to rest at the kerb.

After a brief struggle with the seatbelt, she managed to get out.

(sister with dad)
After a sniff of oxygen and an application of a warm coat she was free to go home!

Freindly Mr Policeman checks to see if the tax disc is up to date!

60 mph slide and then a roll, and to walk away without a scratch, tough little cars those Micras!!