Friday, 19 October 2007

Cow whispering....

I've heard a lot said about horse whispering and have always wanted to give it a go. Unfortunately I don't have a horse, and I didn't think it would be appreciated if I went whispering other peoples. It seemed best to start with cows. They tend to be less temperamental and frankly, I reckon they get bored.
Logically I needed to find the leader. After sitting watching for quite a while, I observed that the herd splits into several groups, each one has it's own head cow. If I could find the 'master' cow, then I could control all of the herds collectively.
This mainly black one looked a likely candidate, the larger group were following his every move.

Standing firm, I stared him keenly in the eye. Once I had properly got his attention, I lifted my right arm and advanced. Yes, they started to move.....


.....then, swapping arms I guided them back the other way. I'd demonstrated to the herd my dominance over the master cow and all I had to do was to turn away, be more placid, wait for them to follow me and accept me as their leader....nothing! They all pissed off doing their own thing (pissing being one of them). He wasn't the leader after all, he was popular, but not a master cow.



A little more sitting and watching was required. Twenty minutes later it was apparent that this unlikely looking guy was in fact the leader (it's always the quiet ones)!
Some more eye staring, gentle manoeuvring the herd around, soon taught them that I was the guy they should follow. Then, the acid test......I turned my back and waited.....




....success! When I tentatively looked behind, they were all waiting. The former leader was now following me. I was....'THE MASTER COW!' (Yes, I shall be putting it on my CV. Why not?!)





We were all friends.






Why farmers do all that herding about when you can simply make friends and they will follow you where ever you want.







"Yes, we're friends, you don't have to lick me anymore, I've got the message!"








Does anyone know how to de-whisper cows, because they won't leave me alone. "Stop licking me!...Don't lick me there!"
There is a field full of donkeys not far from here, which I will have a go with, but before that I'm going to practice on some lower order of life form.......teenagers. I've already got my target group. A gang numbering approx 15 or so. I've identified the leader (master yobbling), all I have to do is first stare him in the eye, second, chase him around until he accepts me as his leader, then wait for the gang to follow me...simple. Now, where DID I put that machete?










16 comments:

Sharon said...

Are you going to write a book or hold seminars about your findings... you might make millions!

I'd be careful with those teenagers though... I don't think they're quite as smart as cows!

Lesley said...

All hail to the leader!

Cows are so cute. I am glad I don't have to personally kill them for food or I would starve.

photowannabe said...

Great story about being the grand Poobah of the whole herd. I love the pictures that tell the story. You are right about the quiet ones.

Lavender said...

ROFL! As easy as that?! Well, once you figured it out it was easy....Thanks for the laughs...but Mate, teenagers...wouldnt silverback gorillas be a safer choice???

Outhouse Capital of Canada said...

Sorry, teenagers are not inteligent enough to understand the concept of whispering or following unless it's to McDonalds.
The can't understand maths, PI,R, Squared, because pizza is round

somewhere joe said...

Lick you where? I'm sure everybody had a marvelous time...and just where is the victim there?

I'm more interested in repelling teenagers. I've heard that playing Mozart gets rid of them in droves.

Stephanie said...

You're hilarious. Thank you so much for the laugh. I needed it!

JLee said...

hahaha...that is too funny! I love the pictures too.

One time when I was in 3rd grade, I came home from school to see these sheep on our property had gotten out. They started walking down the road and I was in a panic, so I remembered how dogs would herd them and ran as fast as I could and got in front of them. They all turned and I herded them down the driveway and back into their pen! I was so proud....lol
(sorry for the trip down memory lane..hehe)

Madwag said...

Dr. Temple Grandin is the cow wisper here is her web sites http://www.grandin.com/ http://www.templegrandin.com/
apparently she is autistic... I have seen a couple of shows about her... she is amaizing.
I believe that you followed the correct procedure and you really did whisper to the cows... how cool. well done, I'm impressed

Madwag said...

I'm w/ Joe about the teenagers.... the ringleader here has been sent to teenager prison... hurray!!! so currently we don't have a problem on my street..not until he gets out anyway.

Mike said...

Just thought I'd say hi seeing as you live right on my doorstep. There's so many places I recognise in your photos. I used to do a lot of canoeing years ago. I've still got a Premier II made by Arrowcraft Marine (West Midlands Canoe Centre).

Floderten said...

Cows are really great. :) Perhaps I should try out that leader thing - plenty of cows where I come from!
Though, I bet it helps if you're actually taller than the cow. Which I most certainly am not.

Perhaps I could be the next Napoleon instead??

secret agent said...

you got it
try the donkeys first.......you actually have the concept....though with equine family... it's driving the hind end... get the back legs moving and then like a football play... block the head and change direction by driving the shoulder

then get submissive once that's established and approach

equine should follow you but you have to walk slowly and kinda drunk... not straight.

same theory with kids.......they either work or follow

problem is getting them to move/work..... a simple shooing of the arm doesn't quite do it for them.........

Elisa, Jarrod, Thomas & Zoe said...

Mmm never heard (or should I say herd!)of cow whispering!!

I think you should give it a miss if you are thinking of teenagers next, they either have selective hearing or had they're hearing damaged by listening to their personel MP3 players too loud!

www.photo-effe.com said...

the quiete life of cows

Angela Marie said...

How cute!

When I lived with my dad, we had one that would follow me everywhere out in the yard. I am not a beef eater.
Have you noticed that they all have their own little hair-do. Here in California we have some great California cheese comercials with cows. They are a riot some times. Maybe you are involved in that somehow being the cow whisperer. ;)