Wednesday, 3 October 2007

My Bionic leg....

When they put the metalwork in my leg I had high hopes. At last, a bionic leg, a childhood dream. As a kid I'd run around the garden pretending to be the '6 million dollar man' and now I had my very own modifications! I took this picture at the hospital (yes, the video camera goes with me everywhere) when, after a month I had the cast removed so that they could 're-align' my foot. A technical adjustment I thought.....No, one nurse held me in the chair while a doctor used both hands and some force to position things 'just right' as he put it, and then back in a cast for another month..Yippeeee!
Still, it would all be worth it when it got better and I would be able to run at 60mph (or maybe hop at 45mph) just like my hero. WHAT a disappointment! Nothing. No special abilities, couldn't hop over buildings or anything. In fact, it seems worse than the original. It feels cold inside during winter and when I tap my foot to music it performs its own percussion section.

To top it, the other week I couldn't figure out why my compass fluctuated every time I sat down with it. Blow me down, it's my bionic ankle. I don't know how it's got magnetised, maybe I should keep away from the microwave. 4 degrees out it shows on the compass, so now when I'm navigating not only do I have to compensate for the dickey leg, I have to take the earths magnetic field being out of skew as well. Maybe the two will cancel each other out.

The electronic compass doesn't misbehave, I don't think it's as sensitive.
We need more tests....

Right, a resistivity test. I have to do this properly, so, I need the 'subject' leg, a 'comparison' leg, and a 'control' leg. Oh, bugger, I've run out of legs... OK for the interest of thoroughness, Max the cat is now the 'control' leg.
The results aren't conclusive. 'Subject' and 'comparison' legs show similar readings, either these are highly conductive, or cats are very resistive...OOow! Yes, the cat seems to be getting very resistive now.

At last. After exhaustive research, I've discovered my bionic legs hidden capability......
If I moisten the end of this electrical lead and securely duct tape it into place and then attach the other end to my scanner.....


..... I can pick up the local airport!


The Suburban Bushwacker said...

get well soon barkfoot.
I've heard good things about the herb comfrey, in the olden day it was known as knitbone.
best wishes

Lavender said...

ROFL!!! Are you kidding us? I have heard tell of folk who began recieving radio stations from dental work - so - LOL! Maybe I shouldnt laugh, but you did make a great fun post out of this experience Mate! Onya!
Has the cat forgiven you yet?

secret agent said...

OMG....this is hysterical.
I think you should be the one to complete the experiments I start and never finish
sending cat through mail today :)

secret agent said...

and just in case it bounced out of your short term memory
furminator is what I refer to

somewhere joe said...

I wouldn't be overly concerned. Unless your leg started taking reservations. But maybe that's what's bolixing the security cameras in your vicinity - your ankle.

Floderten said...

Oh my god. :P

You know, you could just cut off your leg and attach a machine gun instead, and you could be Rose McGowan from that movie that looks really bad. With the guy that's all melty and bubbly. Sorry, forgot the title (obviously). She sits backwards on a motor bike and shoots people! How cool is that??
Seriously, consider it. And take pictures if you do, although I don't really have to tell you that, I guess. ;)

I've always wanted to be able to pick up radio frequencies, ever since I saw a cartoon in a Disney magazine.. Perhaps it was Goofy, who started picking up different channels due to the fillings in his teeth! So awesome...!

kerri said...

LOL, that's hilarious.
I hope you heal quickly, ouch!

photowannabe said...

You're crazy barkfoot. I have a good laugh from your sorry....What an interesting way to tell about your day at the octor's.

Angela Marie said...

So crazy!
I don't think this is the end to this story.. I have a feeling there will be more.
It may come in handy yet!


Madwag said...

that is great!!! You are too funny.

Jessica Foster said...

This is hilarious. I need to get my neck operated on, I wonder what amazing things will happen then?! Did it hurt at all ripping off that duct tape?