Sunday, 14 October 2007

Things that go thump in the night....

Sometimes you just get one of those nights. Usually it's warm and dry, mild night madness.... How, on a straight section of 30mph road do you manage to spin your van 180 degrees and wedge it backwards in some ones doorway?
"Have you had a drink tonight Sir?" "No, ociffer!"

"Well, I was on my way home, and turned into my drive as usual...but it was gone."
"This isn't even my road... it's the council moving the signs about"

2am... 7 police cars, 3 ambulances, 1 paddy wagon and 2 riot vans. A normally placid pub had erupted into violence. Punches, wrestling in the road and broken bottle fights.

I didn't venture closer with the camera until things had calmed right down.

From the various conversations there seemed to be a 101 different causes that sparked off the violence...."Tracy had a 'tramp stamp' and it wasn't from Dave, but she's getting to married to Darnell innhe?!" "It was the posh lot being tossers again" "Trevor started it by not hitting Goldie?!" "The cops made it bad innit by nicking em innit?" All seem perfectly valid reasons for sticking a broken bottle in the face of the guy you were drinking with all night.

"No Dave stop struggling, you'll make i worser." "When I get these cuffs off I'm gonna give you a kickin copper" "AAah! Me arm, garoff me arm" "Dave, stop ee...there's more comin" "F*&k off Trace"

"I'm gon a get you" "Aaah, me arm" "mmnnoomghpfff" "Me eyes, you blinding me"

Finally secured Dave went for a little drive.

"You don't understand, I luv Dave y'know?" Sorting out her phone from a handbag..."Darnell you cum and pik me uup luv?!"


Madwag said...

crikey... sure you weren't in my neighbourhood? I love the drama sometimes... I have front row seats from my bedroom window most of the time. When the ghetto bird comes out I get my kids in and go up to our seats and see whats on for the evening.

JLee said...

wow. Now my weekend seems so lame! haha

photowannabe said...

It seems there is never a dull moment in your neck of the woods. Good photojournalism. You keep me interested with your slant on things.

Lavender said...

That van driver mustve been hauling...egads...and I dont miss living near a pub!
Im wondering how many pictures of you the coppers have, after your recent security-cam-and-royal-spotting expeditions....better make yourself a "Press" badge to wear, Mate!

Lesley said...


Elisa, Jarrod, Thomas & Zoe said...

Wow Sutton Coldfield still as lively as ever I see!

You never get that kind of exciting action in the village I live in.

zmoose said...

Excelent transcripts of the vernacular verbals, very amusing.

Floderten said...

You should know what "pik" means in Danish. :P Perhaps you do?

I love how Brits talk. :D I love it in writing too! I'm glad I live in a small town without too much drunken brawling, though.

Or, well, at least not drunken brawling that attracts the police.

... except when there's more than 10 people and alcohol involved. o_o


This town sucks!

barkfoot said...

Floderton - Oh no! I've got the English slang 'cum' and the Danish 'pik' all in one sentence! Thanks for pointing that out!!!

Gillian @ Indigo Blue said...

Ah, life is sweet by comparison.
She loves Dave, but can Darnell swing by to get her? Cracking up!!!

Russell Hill said...

LMAO, I seriously had a good laugh at the transcript of the goings on between the participants. But you know what? The reason I laughed was because it was likely to be so damned accurate... I want to cry :(

I'm so ashamed to be from England...

secret agent said...

innuendos everywhere
and surely not intentional.

might need you to translate into our English over here.

I must say....we avoid our "local" area
but... we got invited to a "local bar" next friday.
I think we're gonna venture out... and I'm scared :)
I have a feeling it may up similar to your tale