SNAILWATCH.....update

Well, due to the inclement warm weather and near drought conditions (just look at Shushstoke reservoir, never seen it this low even in mid summer! Boy, are we going to be short of water this year), Snailwatch has got off to a slow start... Many of the contestants have even been reticent to even break their epiphragms...NO!..That isn't rude..No, it isn't a 'coming of age thing'! Go and look it up.

This all changed last night, a heavy fog descended and this gave the moist conditions required to entice the little chaps out. So out I went in the dark with my head torch on to catch up on the latest action.

SPEEDY.. Has scarpered. He has left some 'acceleration' marks but has yet to be located.

BOB...Has also absconded. There are signs he may have traversed the 'great path' to the green plains and pansy fields to the east. He's a dark one with an eye stalk for danger, lets hope he hasn't wandered too far, beyond the safe hedge line to the 'slope of doom' where on a Saturday night it is told in snail folklore that 'the rain doth turn yellow'!!

ZIP...Has been abandoned by Bob, not unreasonably due to his complete lack of action. Not moved even a millimetre..Damn those Foxgloves, they destroy lives you know! Due to these 'special' circumstances, he may need to be lured out with some cucumber.

FLASH...He's a wise one..Sitting it out safe. Making his carrot slice last, and staying put just in case the drought continues into the weekend. He won't get many points this way but maybe he's biding his time.(Keep your eye on this one!)

SPOT...Where is he?.. "Is everything alright?", "Yes, I'm just looking for my snail!", "Night then", "Goodnight". That was the neighbour, he's come to accept the way things are. I saw Spot on the chives when I first came out, but now he's gone. This only compounds my theory that snails can "sprint". Maybe only for short distances, maybe only downhill and probably only when your back is turned, but how else do they get away so quick! I'll catch them doing it one day...one day.

This is your opportunity. During my nocturnal observations, I have received many enquiries as to how 'I might get involved'. Plenty of volunteers (many supplying their own miniature pencils) have approached me willing to sign up. These chaps and chappettes need sponsorship (beware, fiscally this could leave you liable for up to 0.05p p/a) and more importantly ...names. The names obviously due to limited space, have to be reasonably concise. If you would like to be part of this growing competition then simply leave your choice of 'name' along with your preference of second or third year snail on the comments list!! HURRY.... The sooner you think of a name and get in on this competition, then the more points you have the chance to accrue...and possibly win!!

SNAILWATCH.....

Spring is here at last, and of course that means the return of our favourite warmer weather activity..."SNAILWATCH"... So, extend your 'ommatophores' as I introduce you to this years contestants...

"FLASH"...This is one of this years heavyweights! At two years of age this veteran knows his stuff;- stay away from the blue gravel, and when you hear the engine start, get the hell off the lawn!

"SPEEDY"...Our second largest competitor. Favourite foods:- Selections from the herb garden & BBQ scraps! As his name suggests, his more streamlined shape allows him to compete even with those Ferrari of suburbia, the "Leopard" slug!

"BOB"...Bob is a loner, a creature of the night, he has a dark side....but a surprising sense of humour! Choosing to live in the unpopular front garden, he relishes the nocturnal thrill of crossing the dangerous 'great path' and takes pleasure from reciting stories of the mythical 'fox giant' to the first year snails!

"ZIP"...Also lives in the front garden. The stress of this hard environment has taken its toll! In only his first year, led astray by some older snails, he had his first taste of "Foxglove", and has been fighting this addiction ever since. The 'digitalis' it contains has dulled his ganglia, made him lackadaisical and he has lost much of his former 'zip'. Bob, a wiser snail, although formerly very much a loner has recently taken him under his shell. Zip feels confident that with this support and the direction that this competition affords him, he can make a full recovery and go on to live a long and destructive life!

"SPOT"...Has always 'felt' different. All his freinds are "English garden" (Helix Aspera) snails, while he is the more showy "Grove" (Cepaea Nemoralis) snail. With his stripy shell (to camouflage against birds....now greatly compromised by having dirty great white letters across it!!) he has always had to contend with namecalling.

"Your mommy was a humbug", "Swiss roll boy", "Escargot", it all hurts....

Spot rises above all the constant bullying and, 'struts' his stuff!

The 'gang' meet up for one last time before being relocated to their allotted areas. As in previous years the contestants will receive points for distance travelled, 'daring' manouveres, foodstuffs eaten, overall speed, cheekiness, growth and many other catergories (as you know from previous years this is an evolving competition), so watch out for those 'bonus' rounds!

All contestants were relocated along with a token goodwill carrot slice. From now on no food will be provided. This is because of snails 'associative learning' capabilities, after all, it may seem clever to train a snail to 'heel' when called, but we should all agree this ruins the true sporting nature of this event!

Current locations-

FLASH- Northeast corner of garage, ground level, back garden.

SPEEDY- East edge of rose bed, back garden.

BOB- Front garden, near south corner of bay window.

ZIP- In Bobs shadow, (hang in there laddy).

SPOT- Near garage, under a bit of wood next to herbs (careful now).

Let the competition begin........