SNAILWATCH.....

Spring is here at last, and of course that means the return of our favourite warmer weather activity..."SNAILWATCH"... So, extend your 'ommatophores' as I introduce you to this years contestants...

"FLASH"...This is one of this years heavyweights! At two years of age this veteran knows his stuff;- stay away from the blue gravel, and when you hear the engine start, get the hell off the lawn!

"SPEEDY"...Our second largest competitor. Favourite foods:- Selections from the herb garden & BBQ scraps! As his name suggests, his more streamlined shape allows him to compete even with those Ferrari of suburbia, the "Leopard" slug!

"BOB"...Bob is a loner, a creature of the night, he has a dark side....but a surprising sense of humour! Choosing to live in the unpopular front garden, he relishes the nocturnal thrill of crossing the dangerous 'great path' and takes pleasure from reciting stories of the mythical 'fox giant' to the first year snails!

"ZIP"...Also lives in the front garden. The stress of this hard environment has taken its toll! In only his first year, led astray by some older snails, he had his first taste of "Foxglove", and has been fighting this addiction ever since. The 'digitalis' it contains has dulled his ganglia, made him lackadaisical and he has lost much of his former 'zip'. Bob, a wiser snail, although formerly very much a loner has recently taken him under his shell. Zip feels confident that with this support and the direction that this competition affords him, he can make a full recovery and go on to live a long and destructive life!

"SPOT"...Has always 'felt' different. All his freinds are "English garden" (Helix Aspera) snails, while he is the more showy "Grove" (Cepaea Nemoralis) snail. With his stripy shell (to camouflage against birds....now greatly compromised by having dirty great white letters across it!!) he has always had to contend with namecalling.

"Your mommy was a humbug", "Swiss roll boy", "Escargot", it all hurts....

Spot rises above all the constant bullying and, 'struts' his stuff!

The 'gang' meet up for one last time before being relocated to their allotted areas. As in previous years the contestants will receive points for distance travelled, 'daring' manouveres, foodstuffs eaten, overall speed, cheekiness, growth and many other catergories (as you know from previous years this is an evolving competition), so watch out for those 'bonus' rounds!

All contestants were relocated along with a token goodwill carrot slice. From now on no food will be provided. This is because of snails 'associative learning' capabilities, after all, it may seem clever to train a snail to 'heel' when called, but we should all agree this ruins the true sporting nature of this event!

Current locations-

FLASH- Northeast corner of garage, ground level, back garden.

SPEEDY- East edge of rose bed, back garden.

BOB- Front garden, near south corner of bay window.

ZIP- In Bobs shadow, (hang in there laddy).

SPOT- Near garage, under a bit of wood next to herbs (careful now).

Let the competition begin........