Nothing much happening...

Not much has happened this week....I've been distracted by..now what was it called? Ah that's it, work.

"Work to live, not live to work"

Of course the days are much longer now, so there is always a spare hour to go and have a snooze in your hammock in the woods.

This is a great spot. If you leave the canopy off the hammock you can watch the buzzards wheel above you. HEY, that's not good. Better move about a bit, show them that I'm not dead!

Damn rabbits! Woke me up again. How can they make so much noise? What are they doing down there?..OH

Did a bit of kayaking this week (couple of 5mile trips). Nowhere new, just along the canal near Drayton Manor. This is the bridge that I forgot to photo for a previous post.

It's a great little footbridge, a real landmark. There should be more stuff built like this. So many houses are designed with no inventiveness. Things could be so much better...imagine giving directions to your house, "turn left at the 'spires', staight up to the 'stilted cottage', turn right and I'm third on the left", "yes, that's right, the white one with the turrets and a footbridge"!

I like spiral staircases. You just can't fall down them. Well, you can a bit but you soon lose momentumn, you can't fall all the way down that's for sure...Should put them in old peoples homes, would save a lot of trouble!

Yes, the tower does lean like that, but I think it's meant to. Hang on I'll just move my boat back a tad, just in case!

No, it's alright look, the other one leans in the opposite direction. I'm going off having turrets on my house, they seem like a lot of worry.







Now, if you lie on your back and take a picture it appears sraight! "Can I get past please?", "Sorry, just taking a picture", "Course you are dear!"...Can't they see that I'm an artist?

On the other side you've got this cool swivel bridge. Don't park in front of it though, or a very big farmer will come and have words with you. Actually he's very nice and freindly. After asking me if I could move the car he was the first to point out that I was sat on an ants nest,..could have been nasty!







Saw the first Mallard ducklings of the year.

I hadn't noticed how well camouflaged they were until now...Hang on, is this the right picture? You'll have to take my word for it, they are there! They're on the wall I think. Strange, on the video they are as plain as day!

Must be 'ghost' ducklings (don't show up on film).
You know it wasn't until I saw ducks hide that I realised that ducks 'duck' and this is where the word comes from. You probably already knew this, but it's a revelation to me! All those stripes on Mallards that I thought were just pretty suddenly make sense. When the duck 'ducks' its head down, the sripe on the head that goes across the eye, lines up with the marks on the wings. This forms a continuous dark band which looks like a reflection on the water, when they 'freeze' they melt away into the background!

Glorious day....

The kayak was strapped to the car and ready to go. A flask of 'camp' coffee (you know, the one with chicory that comes in a bottle) and a flask of soup with crusty bread, plus my trusty rucksack of paraphernalia were impatiently thrown into the car. The weather was glorious and I needed to be out...

As I drove through the lanes to get to Drayton village, the sun began to 'burn' through the early mist. After passing the vineyards on Shirral lane, I came to the pastures where the horses are put to graze. Full of the vigour's of spring, they ran along side the car to the limit of their field. It was going to be a magical day.

The canals were empty. Not a soul to be seen, just how I like it. Flat like a mirror, the only ripples were mine!

A quick paddle from Drayton swing bridge (the one that looks like a white double turreted castle but stupidly neglected to photograph) up to Kingsbury water nature reserve. Here I took a soup break and exchanged a few words with the homeless guy who occupies this stretch of water (if you're going to be homeless, be homeless somewhere nice!).

Paddling towards Fazeley, I turned left at the basin and headed for Hopwas woods via Tamworth. The canal people were beginning to wake up and it was getting busy, but they are all such friendly folk.

It's only mid April but it's getting really warm (25c), I've left the sun cream in the car and I'm beginning to regret it as my shoulders are sunburning. (What is up with the British weather? No winters to speak of and getting hotter year after year! CRAZY!)

Running the gauntlet of the two pub gardens either side of the canal at Hopwas village, "What sort of boat is that?", a tipsy but friendly bloke asks. "Paddle steamer!" I reply. (He seems happy enough with the description and returns to his beer).

The tranquility of Hopwas wood beckons...

The canal is high up here, the river Trent to the right , some 100 feet below and beyond that lies Tamworth. A world war two 'pill box' stands guard. They are everywhere, the canals and rivers were considered to be a real weakness from invasion and were well fortified.

I've always been intrigued by these relics of war. Around here seems to be a hot spot from every era. To the west from here is a nuclear bunker (Admaston) mothballed but still intact, and at Fisherwick there is a complex of 7 bunkers marked on the map only as 'storage'. What would you need to store underground, served by lift shafts, protected by 20ft high earth blast banks, 40ft lightning conductors? The only vehicles in and out are lorries marked "Skipper produce", with a picture of a dog, (this company doesn't seem to exist!). A subject for another post!! If you don't hear from me, I've stepped on the wrong toes!

The woods here at Hopwas are lovely. At this time of year they are full of anemones. I love to put my hammock up here and I never get disturbed by dog walkers. Perhaps this sign explains why!

On the return trip, (11 miles today, achy arms tomorrow!) I managed at last to film one of the many grass snakes I see swim across the canal. I know the regular places that they hang out, but their appearances are so fleeting I rarely get to film them.

This little chap was waiting to cross as I approached. After a mad scramble to get the camcorder out of the rear boat hatch, I began filming.

They are canny creatures and will take the time to watch you, to judge your intentions.

When you see them swimming up ahead, it often appears as if they are are an insect, trapped by the water, zipping about on the surface causing little 'V' waves.

They are so at home on the water, dinky tongue testing the air as they go.

Once up on the bank, curiosity gets the better of him. He hung around for a good 30 secs, checking me out. I can't express how chuffed I am when I get to see these guys.

See you chap, I'm off home. Tired arms, but as relaxed as one could ever be....Today, life is good...

SNAILWATCH.....update

Well, due to the inclement warm weather and near drought conditions (just look at Shushstoke reservoir, never seen it this low even in mid summer! Boy, are we going to be short of water this year), Snailwatch has got off to a slow start... Many of the contestants have even been reticent to even break their epiphragms...NO!..That isn't rude..No, it isn't a 'coming of age thing'! Go and look it up.

This all changed last night, a heavy fog descended and this gave the moist conditions required to entice the little chaps out. So out I went in the dark with my head torch on to catch up on the latest action.

SPEEDY.. Has scarpered. He has left some 'acceleration' marks but has yet to be located.

BOB...Has also absconded. There are signs he may have traversed the 'great path' to the green plains and pansy fields to the east. He's a dark one with an eye stalk for danger, lets hope he hasn't wandered too far, beyond the safe hedge line to the 'slope of doom' where on a Saturday night it is told in snail folklore that 'the rain doth turn yellow'!!

ZIP...Has been abandoned by Bob, not unreasonably due to his complete lack of action. Not moved even a millimetre..Damn those Foxgloves, they destroy lives you know! Due to these 'special' circumstances, he may need to be lured out with some cucumber.

FLASH...He's a wise one..Sitting it out safe. Making his carrot slice last, and staying put just in case the drought continues into the weekend. He won't get many points this way but maybe he's biding his time.(Keep your eye on this one!)

SPOT...Where is he?.. "Is everything alright?", "Yes, I'm just looking for my snail!", "Night then", "Goodnight". That was the neighbour, he's come to accept the way things are. I saw Spot on the chives when I first came out, but now he's gone. This only compounds my theory that snails can "sprint". Maybe only for short distances, maybe only downhill and probably only when your back is turned, but how else do they get away so quick! I'll catch them doing it one day...one day.

This is your opportunity. During my nocturnal observations, I have received many enquiries as to how 'I might get involved'. Plenty of volunteers (many supplying their own miniature pencils) have approached me willing to sign up. These chaps and chappettes need sponsorship (beware, fiscally this could leave you liable for up to 0.05p p/a) and more importantly ...names. The names obviously due to limited space, have to be reasonably concise. If you would like to be part of this growing competition then simply leave your choice of 'name' along with your preference of second or third year snail on the comments list!! HURRY.... The sooner you think of a name and get in on this competition, then the more points you have the chance to accrue...and possibly win!!

'Sucked' by a whirlwind!...

This is where it happened, a big hill at Hartshill Hayes. A perfectly still, hot sunny day. Sandwiches finished, I sat back to admire the veiw... A tuft of dead grass suddenly lifted, did a quick piroette then fell. Then another, and another, these were followed by leaves, crisp packets, twigs and all manner of other British countryside crap! This swiftly developed into a classic twister shape, stretching way up.

Sensing danger, I ran towards it. I couldn't believe the power in this 'mini' twister. Once in the middle you could feel the rotation and experience the surprisingly strong upward pull. It moved away, weaving along the contour of the hill. As it disappeared from veiw it breifly 'touched' a light coloured dusty path, revealed itself in all its glory before departing as quickly as it came...Sorry, no photos, just a bit of wobbly video with me giggling like a little girl!

Another bird falls 'fowl'.....

It was a lovely day today...really warm (18.c). I had a nice long sleep and got up late. I had a cup of tea and something to eat while sitting lazily on the bench outside...I'll go for a walk in the country, I thought. Somewhere not too far. So, I drove down through Little Hay heading towards the village of Hints. A gentle cruise along country lanes, windows down, rural smells lifting my spirits (yes, I know it's just cow poo... but for some reason it smells good....well no, I don't think that's strange..ohh it's just me then!), not a care in the world...AHH, SCREECH, BANG...FEAThers ("oh, the humanity")... 'Baby faced' micra claims another victim. I pick up a floppy pheasant. "Might be just stunned" my inner child remarks. Laid out on the embankment (in the recovery position), I sheepishly drive off; mirror, signal, manouvere, hands at ten to three (might be someone watching).

A lovely walk, lakes, hills, skylarks, views, buzzards...all is forgotten.

On the return drive, the horrors return. A familar stretch of lane, skid marks. I'd better check to see if it woke up alright. Damn, still there. Gentle shaking reveals an unhopeful 'stiffness'. Feelings of guilt are quickly alleviated when as I drive off, yet another pheasant sprints suicidally towards the car. An emergency stop, and angry remanstration with the chap results with its speedy exit. This week as last, the machette will do its stuff, the feathers will be plucked and I will realise that dinner does not always come in a vacuum packed, non suffering convenience tray.

SNAILWATCH.....

Spring is here at last, and of course that means the return of our favourite warmer weather activity..."SNAILWATCH"... So, extend your 'ommatophores' as I introduce you to this years contestants...

"FLASH"...This is one of this years heavyweights! At two years of age this veteran knows his stuff;- stay away from the blue gravel, and when you hear the engine start, get the hell off the lawn!

"SPEEDY"...Our second largest competitor. Favourite foods:- Selections from the herb garden & BBQ scraps! As his name suggests, his more streamlined shape allows him to compete even with those Ferrari of suburbia, the "Leopard" slug!

"BOB"...Bob is a loner, a creature of the night, he has a dark side....but a surprising sense of humour! Choosing to live in the unpopular front garden, he relishes the nocturnal thrill of crossing the dangerous 'great path' and takes pleasure from reciting stories of the mythical 'fox giant' to the first year snails!

"ZIP"...Also lives in the front garden. The stress of this hard environment has taken its toll! In only his first year, led astray by some older snails, he had his first taste of "Foxglove", and has been fighting this addiction ever since. The 'digitalis' it contains has dulled his ganglia, made him lackadaisical and he has lost much of his former 'zip'. Bob, a wiser snail, although formerly very much a loner has recently taken him under his shell. Zip feels confident that with this support and the direction that this competition affords him, he can make a full recovery and go on to live a long and destructive life!

"SPOT"...Has always 'felt' different. All his freinds are "English garden" (Helix Aspera) snails, while he is the more showy "Grove" (Cepaea Nemoralis) snail. With his stripy shell (to camouflage against birds....now greatly compromised by having dirty great white letters across it!!) he has always had to contend with namecalling.

"Your mommy was a humbug", "Swiss roll boy", "Escargot", it all hurts....

Spot rises above all the constant bullying and, 'struts' his stuff!

The 'gang' meet up for one last time before being relocated to their allotted areas. As in previous years the contestants will receive points for distance travelled, 'daring' manouveres, foodstuffs eaten, overall speed, cheekiness, growth and many other catergories (as you know from previous years this is an evolving competition), so watch out for those 'bonus' rounds!

All contestants were relocated along with a token goodwill carrot slice. From now on no food will be provided. This is because of snails 'associative learning' capabilities, after all, it may seem clever to train a snail to 'heel' when called, but we should all agree this ruins the true sporting nature of this event!

Current locations-

FLASH- Northeast corner of garage, ground level, back garden.

SPEEDY- East edge of rose bed, back garden.

BOB- Front garden, near south corner of bay window.

ZIP- In Bobs shadow, (hang in there laddy).

SPOT- Near garage, under a bit of wood next to herbs (careful now).

Let the competition begin........

'Men in Black' gone bad...

I'm SO pissed off! I was up late Wednesday night (2am) and I made moves to go to bed. The recyling box needed putting out for the morning collection, but when I got to the back door I could hear the nieghbours cat meowing. Nothing too unusual I thought, but this sounded especially vocal. When I opened the door it bolted in, there was something up! Looking out into the darkness I could see the shadow of a figure cast up the drive. I knew that if I went out the back the security light would be triggered and he would run off, so, quickly made my way to a front window. There on the front lawn dressed top to toe in black stood another figure! He saw me and jumped down to the pavement where he was joined by his accomplice, they made their getaway holding something oblong and silver. Pausing only to find shoes and pick up my camera bag, I shot out after them. Nowhere to be seen, a brief search and I returned home. This is when I saw what they had done to my neighbours car! They had 'jimmied' the lock, got the windows down without setting the alarm off and climbed in. They had broken into the boot via the back seats (breaking another lock), ripped out a subwoofer, amp, custom MP3 and levered the stereo from the dash. The stash was piled up in front of the car, and the spare wheel tools had been taken. I called the police, who were promt but failed to find anyone. After nearly an hour of taking statements they left. My nieghbour and I decided to see if we could locate any dropped contraband, and set off up the road....

A short distance away is a dirt track, completly unlit, a perfect place for hiding stuff we thought. We had walked up 10 metres or so when there was the skriek of a car alarm coming from the main road. I sprinted back, turned left and was confronted by a figure in black! "What do you want?" he asked angrily. I have always worried about getting stabbed in these situations, I looked down. A cross brace in one hand, a silver oblong jack in the other, no knife and at least his hands were full. He tried to sidestep me, it's now or never I thought. I grabbed his shoulder as he made a bolt for it and we ended up in the middle of the road! Determined not to let him go I swung him around so as to take him off his feet. I got him to the floor but he struggled out of his jacket and made his escape! Taking chase I was annoyed when the jacket wrapped itself around my feet and delayed me as I kicked myself free. Running up the dark track and beginning to gain, I realised that I was on my own. My neighbour had come out in his slippers (not good for running!), "I hope he's phoning the police" I thought! On the lit road at the end of the track I could see a car waiting, the engine started, and it moved forward. "Crap, now I'm in trouble" I thought, a million escape routes rushed through my head, but the adrenalin got the better of me and I carried on chasing. The driver of the car saw me and went to drive off, (trust among thieves... I don't think so!) but the guy had managed to pull the door open and get part way in. In one last effort of desperation, I threw a punch but it was at the limit of my reach. I caught him at the back of his head and ear but, I as I swung round managed to hit the edge of the car door as well..OWWWW! The car raced off, the driver with his head down, and the two passengers glaring back at me. Sat on the pavement I scrawled the reg number on the ground so that I wouldn't forget...

More statements to the police, (didn't get to bed to 6am!). They had a go at several cars, wheel nuts loosened off ready etc. The silver corsa they escaped in turned out to be a hire car taken out with false ID. 'SOCO' the scenes of crime guys came the following morning and got some good prints. They seemed particularly pleased with the jacket (which turned out to have his mobile phone in the pocket) because they reckoned they'd get DNA off it easily. So, the security camera is going back up.....

And "Mr Stick" is sleeping in my room from now on!

MURDER !...

The body removed for thorough culinary examination, the crime scene is carefully photographed.

There are signs of a violent struggle...

The main suspect... Don't be fooled by the innocent fluffy looks, this lethal and ruthless predator would not hesitate to bite your face off if were not for the protective glass of the kitchen window. This 'drifter' often leaves a trail of destruction across the local area. Pawprints on cars, lick marks on windows and most worrying, fluff on clothes left out to dry...a menace to all! If you see or know the whereabouts of this cat, DO NOT under any circumstances 1.) Call it over to you. 2.) Feed it titbits. 3.) Tickle it behind it's left ear. 4.) Invite it in to sleep on the big comfy chair near the radiator.

This large razor sharp black machette was found close to the body, ongoing investigations are still trying to tie this in with the crimescene. If you have any information regarding the part that this object may have played in this incident then please phone 'Crime Busters' on the usual number.

It is beleived that the pidgeon in question although fatally injured did in fact survive the initial attack, but later it's head became loose and fell off! Detectives are baffled by this strange course of events. Again, if you can help us in any way then please get in touch.

The body, now prepared ready for the autopsy, is layed out on a concrete slab.

Damn... an unexpected second cat attack. The corpse rolls off onto the grass during the brief struggle!

Now, respectfully laid out, the small remains await the preperation of a suitable gravy... no, I mean grave. Grave is what I meant to say, honestly. Gravy, what was I thinking?...

The gruesome task of the post mortem is carried out. The verdict?..'Accidental death'. I suppose we will never know what really happened. The body was later cremated, well, when I say cremated I mean more sort of medium to well done.